Not everyone’s sorority experience is negative, but mine was.
I truly believe sororities have positive aspects. They provide life-long friends and experiences you wouldn’t find elsewhere. They give memories that will last a lifetime—the ones you tell your daughter when she first embarks on her college years.
One of the most important things is to make sure you join a sorority that is thriving. I made that mistake. I joined a dying organization, although I didn’t know it was dying. I didn’t find out until I was initiated, and there was no turning back.
By dying organization, I mean that the number of girls joining the sorority was minimal. More and more girls kept graduating each semester, leaving fewer girls behind to run the organization, and not all girls were willing to take on leadership positions. It put a lot of pressure on the girls who did want to participate—a little too much pressure that it began to feel overwhelming.
My negative experiences were not due to hazing or feeling pressured to party or drink. My negative experience is based on the toxicity that existed among the girls.
Behind each other’s backs, some spoke negatively of each other, even though they preached sisterhood. One minute they were speaking so highly of a sister when she was around, and the next minute when she was gone, they were tearing her down.
This is something that got the best of me and led me to walk away from some of my friendships with the sisters. I didn’t want to be friends with girls who preached having each other's backs, while they ripped each other apart behind the scenes.
When it came to a “family-branch” relationship, some girls were always excluded. A “family branch” is to have a family of sisters to bond with, outside of the rest of the group. It’s made up of some bigs (older members who “adopt” a new member), littles (new members), and some other relatives like g-bigs (the older member who “adopted” your big), etc.
I had a family branch, but I never felt connected with the girls. They often went out, but I never received an invite to join, which is why I guess I never connected. I felt I was always trying to get them to like me, trying to convince them why they should be friends with me. I eventually let these friendships go as it became straining to feel bad about not being included. Instead, I decided to focus on the friendships that I already had that were a two-way street.
The moral of the story is you shouldn’t have to try to convince anyone to be your friend. They’ll like you for who you are without you giving them a reason.
I guess what I learned is that there are some great sororities, and some girls have awesome experiences that create college-core memories. Some girls don’t have that luck—not every sorority is perfect, and not every experience is positive. Sometimes you fall into the wrong one with the wrong girls. Sometimes you don’t find the place you belong in a sorority—you find it elsewhere. In my case, I found it on The Setonian’s editorial board.
When I walked away from my sorority, that’s when I found community. I was looking in the wrong spot, but that’s ok. Sometimes the wrong decision leads us to better things, even if we don’t see it at the moment.
I will add that a few girls from my sorority are some of my closest friends today, but that’s because we developed a relationship outside of the negative sisterhoods we experienced. I wouldn’t trade my friendships with them for anyone else.
I am grateful for the experience even if it didn’t serve me. I’m also thankful to Peyton Hruska, the previous Campus Life Editor and the sister who pushed me to join The Setonian’s editorial board. If you didn’t encourage me to join the paper, I wouldn’t be here writing these words today. Thank you for helping me find my place.
Dominique Mercadante is the head editor for The Setonian’s Campus Life section. She can be reached at dominique.mercadante@student.shu.edu.
